Irony

The problem with losing your glasses is that you don't realize you've lost them until you've taken your contacts out (at least for those of us contacts during the day/glasses at night wearers). And when that happens, because you are so blind, you end up having to crawl on the floor with your nose two inches from the ground, praying for some light reflection on the lenses to give them away. Hypothetically you could just put your contacts back in and begin to search, right?... But, you think, it shouldn't be that hard. The glasses were just there on your nightstand last night, right on top of your copy of "Eclipse" and next to your phone and three half-empty water bottles! They couldn't be anywhere but the night stand, or - at the very least anywhere on the floor within a three feet diameter of the nightstand. Glasses don't have legs. I'm pretty sure I don't have night terrors or sleep walking episodes that involve putting on glasses and then taking them off elsewhere (I have however slept walked in a London flat and scared my roommate half to death). Back to the army crawl on the ground - it would probably be smarter, healthier (ew, think of all the germs), and faster to just run and put your contacts back in, but there are other issues that get in the way. Issues of dignity for instance. As it happens, and I don't know why, somehow practically sniffing the floor with your eyes all squinted up involves more dignity than putting those two tiny silicon-whatever-contacts-are-made-of pieces in. So, you know where to find me three-four nights a week.