Defense mechanisms

Do you ever feel like you always mess up things you really want? I swear I am a master at self-sabotage. For instance, in junior high and high school every acting or singing part that I really wanted and tried for, I didn't get. Instead, I always was given the parts that I tried out for as a back-up, but didn't really want. Recently I found out I didn't get the internship that I wanted for next year. I would have been working with a private therapy practice, which is ultimately what I want to do with this costly advanced degree. Now I'm half-panicked/half-indifferently looking for other positions. The truth is with these second-choice jobs, the interviews are going GREAT because I'm not nervous and I ask questions. With the first internship I was seriously scared of asking anything in case I said the wrong thing. Holy defense mechanism! Defense mechanisms were a concept introduced by Freud. Basically, when you feel threatened, you will subcounsciously protect yourself using defense mechanisms. Some you may have heard of like denial, displacement, idealization and so on. I'm excellent at repression. For instance, I often numb my responses to things because I think that would be easier than having them actualized. The truth is, defense mechanisms are only helpful for a little while, eventually you have to learn healthier ways to cope with the crap in your life. Psychology says that we are all messed up in our minds. WE are the problem.

Social work says everything in our little eco system contributes to our problems:

(microsystem = YOU)

One downside to studying this stuff is you begin to think that you have every disorder you read about. For instance, I was pretty convinced I was suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) after a lengthy class on this topic (hey you try being in a horrible car accident!). I had a friend say the other day that she thinks she has borderline personality disorder. I had to assure her that she does not because she is a functioning individual. The difference between the mentally ill and the not ? Functionalibility. You may have some crazy crap going on inside you, but if you are able to function in your daily life/relationships/profession you are probably ok (note, i said probably).

As one of my teachers would say, the key to mental health = Flexibility. I practice my splits everyday.

Happy Birthday Pookie!

This post is dedicated to one of the best sisters in the whole wide world: Camille Marie Bluth. Cami is my big sis. She taught me how to tie my shoes, do backflips, listen to country music, pretty much you name it, I learned it from her. 

I have many good memories of our childhood/teenagehood, including things like making a weekly workout plan (Monday-jog Tuesday-Bike ride Wed.-roller blade) and digging nickels and dimes out of the change jar for our almost-nightly May Fro Yo run (Mesa Frozen yogurt). 

She's a pretty special person, so I thought I would share a few things that you might not know about her (20 to be exact):

1. In high school she did color guard, pole vaulting, diving, orchestra, got straight A's, and shared a wardrobe with me, and let me follow her around.

2. She has an AMAZING singing voice. Her specialties being Les Mis and Charlotte Church.

3. She is an even more amazing mom. 

4. She is bar none the best person to have with you on a road trip. Specifically if that road trip is to Lake Powell and your car goes dead at the Pizza Hut in Page. Or, if you make the wrong turn in Flagstaff and see signs that say "Los Angeles 200 miles". Or, if you are driving through miles and miles of New Mexican wilderness and have only a two sided tape of Journey's Greatest Hits to keep you company.

5. She is hilarious. Carefree. Easy going. I think I saw her get mad only once in our teenage years. Pretty amazing if you ask me.

6. She used to write me letters written in the "creepy" font and sign it "the pookie". 

7. She built the house she lives in now.

8. She and her family make Carlsbad a happening place.

9. She has rheumatoid arthritis but never complains.

10. She had mono her senior year of high school.

11. She went to 3 universities before marrying her cute hubby Marcus: ASU, NMSU, and BYU

12. She likes to be the first to the top of a mountain.

13. When she was younger, it was impossible to have a conversation with her that didn't include her plieing, tour jeteing etc while you were talking to her.

14. I felt like a big girl when she let me share a room with her. I think I was nine or ten.

15. We used to stay up late talking about anything and everything

16. She memorized the Newsies soundtrack. And the titanic song- You know the one they played on the radio with excerpts from the movie?

17. When I was at BYU she once sent me a pear for my birthday (a "Little Women" reference).

18. She spent the first few months of her marriage roughing it (and loving it) on a cattle ranch in NM.

19. She speaks French. Oui.

20. She is really adorable pregnant, and is currently expecting baby # 4.